I woke up with nerves fluttering in my stomach, a jittery mix of excitement and anxiety, it was the first day of the Spinal Flow Immersion. I could hardly believe I was actually here.
Two years ago, I came across a beautiful woman on social media, she looked like a goddess with hair billowing all around her, she was holding space and facilitating healing for a child lying on a table infront of her. It was unlike anything I had seen before, and I have been around the block when it comes to the various modalities of Energy Healing. But I could not get this woman and her healing technique out of my mind, I grew more curious and got sucked into research. The account belonged to a woman who ran a family practice offering Spinal Network Analysis, working with children, mothers, and pregnant individuals. Their stories were so beautiful, raw and transformative. I was fascinated and I sent a signal out to the universe to bring me here.
That signal slowly started to open doors. I explored SNA and discovered other modalities involving how to work with our spinal energy. And finally, many rabbit holes and exploring modalities later, Spinal Flow found me and I knew this was the missing piece. Founded by Dr. Carli, who also had a background in Network Spinal Analysis, this modality builds upon the concept of the “spinal wave”, a flowing energy that awakens the body’s natural healing intelligence, releasing blockages vertebra by vertebra, and activating our Life Force Energy.
It was everything I had been searching for, a bridge between energy healing and the physical body. A modality that can be explained in science and spiritual wisdom. It aligned with the belief I’ve held for years, that everything is connected and true healing treats the whole person, not just the symptom, something which is often missing in modern Western medicine.
So here I was, in Barcelona, alone, about to step into a completely new experience. It was so out of my comfort zone in every way, I had surprised myself by actually arriving here, and yet, I felt it in my bones.. this was where I needed to be.
When I entered the registration area, I was met with a sea of people, buzzing with conversation and excitement. It was loud and overwhelming, I felt that familiar tightness of anxiety bubbling just beneath the surface. I took my name tag, looked around the room at all the small groups of excited people, and yep, there was the panic. I hurried back to my hotel room and started EFT tapping, trying to ground back in my body and soothe my nervous system, reminding myself that We can do this.
The truth is, there is an old version of me that wouldn’t have walked back through that door once I had left. A version that would have let the fear win. I have lived so much of my life from that place, a dysregulated nervous system, a wounded inner child, keeping me in what felt like safety but really was a cycle of (debilitating) self-protection that stopped me from truly living.
That whole first day, I could feel anxiety and dread wanting to trickle up. But I held on, I knew I wanted to be there, even if my body screamed 'not safe'. But I also knew, this way of living was not sustainable. I’ve carried this fight-or-flight pattern for decades. Through the years I learned how to push through the discomfort. But even when I appeared “fine,” the fear was always in the background, ready to surface.
This is also the same reason why I find the nervous system so fascinating, identifying patterns in ourselves, or others, is one thing, but cracking the code is another.
The last few years I have worked with my body through breath and energy, I immersed myself in studying pattern creations and why our bodies respond they way it does. And eventually it also led to me becoming certified in Trauma-Informed care. It deepened my passion for the mind-body-soul connection, allowed me to better understand how to hold space, allowing one to return to a state of safety so that Healing can begin one small step at a time.
Despite the internal waves of fear, I met incredible people that day. We began learning the foundational concepts of Spinal Flow, how to assess the body and locate blockages formed through emotional, chemical, or physical stress. We practiced assessments on one another and when my own results were revealed back to me, I felt completely seen. The internal pains I had held for years, most often silently, were suddenly acknowledged, mapped and validated. My spine was a map detailing my lifes journey. Even my posture revealed imbalance: uneven shoulders, hips, ears, one leg shorter than the other. All signs of unresolved trauma and held emotions living in my body.
These assessments would serve as a baseline and we were to track progress over the coming 7 days. Just like with clients, change would be measured over time and after consistent sessions. Regular treatments allow the body to stay in the flow, enabling lasting shifts, which I was about to experience first hand this week.
That evening after a long and emotional day, made more intense by having landed at 2 a.m. the night before. I couldn’t sleep. I was exhausted. Tossing and turning I felt bitter tears begin to well up. Anger. Frustration. Shame. Why was I still reacting like this? Why was this fear still my norm? After all the work I’ve done I thought I would do better this time!!
Depleted from the day I allowed the tears to come, I allowed myself to feel the feels. First it was all the anger, at myself and the world, but then I found myself soothing someone, the little girl who had been afraid so many times, who had felt invisible in her struggle and emotionally abandoned. And it dawned on me, it was she who was angry, frustrated and made to feel shame. And now, finally, I truly saw her and all the struggles weighing her down. I held her and I validated all her feelings. I allowed them to be there and to be felt. I told her she was right to be angry, bitter and hurt, that she should never have had to carry all these fears alone.
As I spoke to her, I intuitively placed my hand over my heart. I could feel energy move through my palm, spreading warmth through my chest. I found myself gently rocking, as though soothing a child. And in many ways, I was. I felt her presence so clearly and so strongly. I reassured her, It’s safe now. I wont let anyone hurt you anymore, and even though things might seem scary, I’m here. I will protect you. You can go and play, I’ll handle the hard things now.
I could feel my inner child was comforted, I could feel I was comforted and held by my older self. What came next is a deeply personal moment, one that I have contemplated whether to share or not in a public space, as I know many might not understand. So depending on where you are in your own journey this might or might not resonate, but I have decided to share because this is my path of opening my truth, my voice and heart.
I felt heady and light from all the energies that had arrived in the room, as it was not just me and my inner child present in this beautiful moment. I felt the loving presence and support of my Guides and Ancestors, holding space as I finally allowed myself to face my depths and connect with my inner child on her level. I could also feel the presence and embrace of the Divine Feminine, who has been with me on this journey for a long time.
The energies and intentions shift from my inner child to something else. I felt a prickly sensation go through my body like a shiver, and then a presence of another soul dropped in, a gentle blue energy was gently orbiting my field and there was a sense of deep familiarity.
I was in a state of simply observing and feeling, unsure of what I was sensing. But then, a rush of energy pouring into and through my womb and sacred portal. It was a divine force, soft and powerful at the same time working through me. I understood a clearing and healing was in progress. And in that moment, I knew and could feel it. This familiar blue orb was the soul I had once welcomed, and lovingly decided to release back to Source nearly two decades earlier, it was a memory and imprint stored deep in the body. A trauma that held on in the background, one I had worked through and felt through, now finally ready to be released in peace.
That night was sacred and beyond language. I have transmuted grief before, and learned that on the other side of deep emotional breakthroughs the veil fades and we are rewarded with the most unexpected and magical moments. I could not have imagined the day and night would have unfolded in such a way, but the stage was was divinely orchestrated for this unfolding.
The next morning, I felt the difference physically, emotionally and energetically. A new self had emerged. Synchronicities came pouring in, reflecting back what I had experienced the night before, letting me know I was in fact not crazy and I had not imagined everything. The biggest confirmation that showed itself to me was Hecate, the Queen of thresholds and transformations, she had been present in the months leading up to this immersion. I had sensed it but not fully believed it. We love to be oblivious and wave away even the most obvious of signs. But I could see it so clearly now, together, the sacred feminine, from Mother Mary to Hecate, they had guided me on this path forward and surrounded the portal I had finally entered.
Until that morning, I had not realised exactly how much of my life had been shaped and controlled by my Inner Child. It startled me as I could now see how many decisions, likes and dislikes, interests, fears, and hesitations had come from her. But now, she had released her grip. She felt safe enough to step back. And I walked into Day 2 without hesitation, without any fears. I felt whole and it was amazing.
Acknowledging and healing my Inner Child was the gateway all along, the key that unlocked the next level of my life. I could feel it with every step. And there was no coincidence it happened now.
And this, this was only the beginning of a mind-blowing week of Healing, Awakenings and returning home to myself.